I totally know the feeling….I often think and feel the same. I have come to the conclusion that in God’s time He will provide all that we need. The problem is not being alone or being scared, it’s the uncertainty that surrounds what the future will entail. I’m on verge of living for me amd making the plans for the things I want in life. I believe that when you are working on your path that you are bound to walk into someone on that same path. Then that’s when everything clicks.i was speaking with a close friend of mine tonight and we were talking about the fact that a year from now, she could very well be married. she spoke of the future, of plans, of saving money, of insurance and apartments and grad school — and in none of her sentences did her boyfriend’s (and future fiance’s) name fail to escape her lips.
not going to lie, i’m a little jealous. i’m not in a rush to get married, but i want to know who that person for me is, and i want to know what my life is going to be. i want to know whether or not to move back home after graduation, i want to know whether or not to go to grad school, and if i do, where.
i’m not going to give up my dreams to be with someone (unless they’re really worth it) or let someone do that for me, but i’m scared to make concrete plans for my life because i want to be flexible enough to accomodate that person. what if the plans i make are too rigid, too specific, too uncompromising?
yeah, i’m living for myself. i’m ultimately concerned about my own happiness — but because it’s who i am, my happiness is contingent on making someone else happy. but because i’m so damn difficult, i’m scared that i’ll become so independent (or scared?) that i won’t be able to let someone else in — something that i think i’m in danger of at the present.
of course, my friend says, “when you meet that person and you want to accomodate you and they want to do the same, it just clicks.” and i think she’s right.
i’m just so impatient to meet (or re-meet) this person and finally start to see the pieces fall together.
A man among boys....
