Crushed

Over anyone’s life spand they will develop dreams about what they want to achieve and what they want to be when they grow up. It’s funny how things change. Growing up I wanted to be cop, then a fire fighter, then an electrical enigneer (weird I know…lol), then Pro Basketball player. One day I became realistic with myself. I had a new dream. I dreamed of playing Division 1 basketball at a big college/university in North Carolina. Why?

Funny. My father was born and raised in North Carolina. I wanted to go there for college and play at a big time program just see and experience my roots. Growing in Philadelphia I only have been able to travel to NC a few times. But the change of pace and history of my family all but beckoned me to return one day. I could imagine myself putting on a jersey and playing in front of thousands of fans while learning about where my father was from.

Today that dream is all but over. In my senior year of high school I drew the interest of High Point University in basketball. (FYI it’s located in High Point, NC) I was getting letters and phone calls from coaches up and down the east coast regarding basketball in even some schools in South Dakota. But my heart was set on playing for High Point. It wasn’t UNC or NC State or Duke but for a inner city kid with a dream like mine it was serviceable. I turned away offers from schools in MD, PA, and SD thinking that High Point would offer a scholarship.

B4 they could something happened on Jan. 6, 2005 that changed my basketball career forever. I broke BOTH of my wrists in a game in Trenton, NJ right before the league playoffs where all the scouts would be. Needless to say all schools except the school I current attend and play for (Columbia Union College in MD) withdrew interest and their offers because I was considered damaged goods.

Now that my senior year is approaching and I have one year left to play, I realize that my dream is now dead. Kaput! Finito! It sucks because I was never given the chance by those coaches and schools to show that I was good enough to compete. One day I will be excepting of all of this. But for now, this will haunt me.

missbrightside:

i was speaking with a close friend of mine tonight and we were talking about the fact that a year from now, she could very well be married. she spoke of the future, of plans, of saving money, of insurance and apartments and grad school — and in none of her sentences did her boyfriend’s (and future fiance’s) name fail to escape her lips.

not going to lie, i’m a little jealous. i’m not in a rush to get married, but i want to know who that person for me is, and i want to know what my life is going to be. i want to know whether or not to move back home after graduation, i want to know whether or not to go to grad school, and if i do, where.

i’m not going to give up my dreams to be with someone (unless they’re really worth it) or let someone do that for me, but i’m scared to make concrete plans for my life because i want to be flexible enough to accomodate that person. what if the plans i make are too rigid, too specific, too uncompromising?

yeah, i’m living for myself. i’m ultimately concerned about my own happiness — but because it’s who i am, my happiness is contingent on making someone else happy. but because i’m so damn difficult, i’m scared that i’ll become so independent (or scared?) that i won’t be able to let someone else in — something that i think i’m in danger of at the present.

of course, my friend says, “when you meet that person and you want to accomodate you and they want to do the same, it just clicks.” and i think she’s right.

i’m just so impatient to meet (or re-meet) this person and finally start to see the pieces fall together.

I totally know the feeling….I often think and feel the same. I have come to the conclusion that in God’s time He will provide all that we need. The problem is not being alone or being scared, it’s the uncertainty that surrounds what the future will entail. I’m on verge of living for me amd making the plans for the things I want in life. I believe that when you are working on your path that you are bound to walk into someone on that same path. Then that’s when everything clicks.

Withdraw

Over the last couple of days I was thinking to myself “Dude, when is the last time you put something on tumblr?” Well when I finally logged in after withdraw I realized that it had been two weeks….WOW?!?!?

The next question I asked myself was “Why had it been so long since you had tumbled something?” Many different answers came to mind:

- I did not feel the need to share meaningless junk with the people that follow me
- I just did not have the time
- Tumbling was just a phase or fad to me
-I was going through some things that were personal and wanted to take a break from spilling my guts on a social network.

I came to the conclusion that all of the above are true. I said all this to say:
I”M BBBBBAAAACCCKKK!!

irritated.

missbrightside:

it really, really irritates me when couples parade their relationship on facebook, myspace, or other social networking sites. their statuses always refer to each other, they always leave messages on each others walls thanking them for the wonderful day they spent together and baby i love you SOOOOOOO much and omg that’s such a cute picture of us babe and my hobbies are hanging out with my baby and eskimo kisses and playing footsie…BARF.

i understand they’re happy. i get that. i’m happy for them, really. but do they feel a need to prove something to everyone? like yeah, we’re really happy together, we promise! look! LOOK HOW HAPPY WE ARE DAMMIT!

i’m not bitter or jealous, it’s just sickening to me.

I honesty understand where you are coming from….but I think it might be a hint of jealousy….we all want that kind of love…and it’s not parading it’s just showing a different kind of virtually PDA…unfortunately it’s becoming the norm…
THIS IS THE JAM...(TACO BELL RAP AD)

Drive Thru Rappers

I’m sure everyone is familiar with the Taco Bell Commericial with the guys rapping their order…..I LOVE THAT!!!!…any way…I was debating on whether I should do my own for different fast food spots…and I just might…one for Wendy’s and one for McDonald’s…Taco Bell…ect…If you go to Youtube you can see plenty of good, bad, and ugly emulations of the Taco Bell Rap

Defintion of Some

Why is when you tell a person that they can have some of your stuff do they think it is cool to take most of it, all of it, or split it?  Like dude you can get some.  That’s more than zero but less than 50%
LEARNING HURTS!!!
LEARNING HURTS!!!

Learning Hurts

I was talking to someone today at work and they said something to me that finally clicked.  Lately, I’ve been getting spurts of wisdom here and there that did all but irrigate the seeds of sage in my mind.  This one peice of advice may have actually turned into a sprout.

 While talking to the vice president of my school’s ITS Department (Information Technology Systems) he was telling about how long it took for him to get his bachelor’s and how it’s taking him really long to get his master’s when he said something that resonated with me.

 ”Ya know, learning hurts!!!  The more we learn the more we should realize how much we don’t know.”

 It makes perfect sense.  Just because we are learning something does not mean that we are the verge of conquering ignorance.  It means that we humbling and subjecting ourselves to see how much we do not actually know.  I know it’s kinda ironic but that’s the truth.  And as one great mean once said:

 ”Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts.”

SATISFACTION

I was talking to a friend the other day about what I wanted outta life….I said that I wanted a job with a six figure salary….A Lexus…a condo in a warm area…and a wonderful wife…(I know I’m not being realistic…lol)…Afterwards I kind of felt bad….because all they wanted was to be happy and be a little comfortable…I started to realize that I just might want too much…But am I wrong for that?

 Yes and No….

 Yes because I want to be a little spoiled and live a comfortable life….but as much I as hate to admit it…some of my want are not realistic….not in this with this economy anyway…lol…But what happens when we set the bar so high for our wants and don’t achieve them?  Emotional distress

That’s why I say it might be a problem…Most people including myself can end up hurting ourselves by not achieving our goals and lose sight of the little things in life that may not be glamorous but are simple and sufficient…

 Will we ever be satisfied?